Water Snake Showdown

I crouch behind a flower pot and peek out at the water snake. It’s been sleeping all winter, but I know it will wake up and attack at any moment.

Every year, just when the air begins to bring the fresh scent of new growth and the birds start to sing, Ilana comes home with new plants. I can smell tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, pumpkin, basil, and a few others I don’t recognize. She takes the new vegetable plants into the garden and digs. I don’t understand why she won’t let me help her. I am an expert digger. But I’m never allowed past the garden gate. I’m left out in the yard with oblivious Scottie, on the wrong side of the chicken wire. The same side as the snake. So I spend a lot of time watching it. And waiting.

After the veggies are planted, Ilana goes into the garage. She leans down to turn a knob that’s touching the tail of the snake.

“Stop!” I bark. “You’ll wake it up!” I rush in after her, but it’s too late. I can hear the water rushing through the snake’s body. It’s awake. I run back outside and see the head of the snake starting to dance. It makes little jumps off the ground and bumps back onto the cement.

“Oh no you don’t!” I bark. Spotting Scottie in the corner of the yard I call, “Quick! Come help me stop the snake before it attacks Ilana!”

Scottie ignores me and runs to the opposite corner of the yard. He pretends to sniff a bush and mark it.

“Lazy bones,” I mutter. “I know you’re just a fraidy cat!” I say loud enough that I know he heard me, even with his tiny cropped ears. He continues to ignore me. “It’s a good thing Ilana has me then. You’re useless.”

I turn back to the snake and see Ilana about to grab it by the head. She must have walked out of the garage while I was distracted.

“No! Stay away,” I cry, but she only hears “Bark! Roof Roof.” I run at her and try to put myself in between her and the snake.

“Mika! Quit it. Go away.” Ilana’s brow furrows in annoyance. I see that expression a lot. I have no idea why she gets so frustrated with me. All I ever do is protect her from herself.

Ilana pushes me out of the way. I lunge back at the snake’s head but I’m too late. Ilana’s already picked it up. Any second it’s going to start spitting water venom.

Ilana wrestles with it for a moment. She gets it facing the newly planted vegetables just in time. The snake spits its water venom out all over the plants instead of her.

The snake is strong. It sways back and forth the whole length of the garden, spitting venom and pulling Ilana with it. I have to do something fast!

I gather my legs under me, muscles tense, and leap at the snake’s head. The snake dances away from me. “Roof, woo woo!” I yell, but my words are garbled by the water venom shooting into my mouth. I back away, coughing and spitting. Shaking my head to clear it, I bark at the snake, “Leave Ilana’s plants alone!” I take another leap at the snake.

Ilana blocks me with her body. “Mika, I said QUIT.” She shoves me back with her leg.

I rush in again. Water venom fills my mouth as my teeth close around the plastic snake head. I ignore the water rushing down my throat and try to shake the snake to kill it. Ilana fights me. Why are you doing this? I want to ask. We’re on the same side. But if I want to speak, I’ll have to let go of the snake. Ilana wouldn’t understand me anyway. I love her, but sometimes she can be so bull headed…or is that thick headed? I can never remember, I’m a bull with a thick head…

“Mika, stop it. Let go.” Ilana pulls the snake higher so my feet are lifted off the ground. I stay attached. Ilana sighs and drops the snake.

Finally!

She walks into the garage.

I stand over the snake, ready to deliver a final blow. “Grrrrrrrr.”

The sounds of water rushing through its body fade. A last trickle of venom escapes and the snake lays lifeless in front of me. “You better be scared.” I tell it.

Ilana comes out of the garage.

I prance over to her, tail high. “See what I did? I scared it to sleep for you. No need to thank me.” She hears, “Woo woo woo.”

She smiles down at me. “Well, that wasn’t terrible. I guess you’re improving. You didn’t jump into the garden this time.” She pats my head.

I nudge in closer and dart my tongue out toward her exposed leg. SLURP!

“Ewwwww! Mika! You didn’t do that well.” But she’s laughing.

I wag my tail. Another day, another rescue. My job never ends. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.